last night's episode was called I Kissed A Girl. and i have a looooot of feelings about it. mostly negative.
(excuse the typo & grammatical errors. I'm doing a million things at once.)
Here's what I thought I knew
the "A" plot: Santana coming out
the "B" plot: Shelby, Puck, Quinn
the "C" plot: school's election and Kurt (and Brittany + Hummelberry friendship to some extent)
the "D" plot: love triangle involving Sue and Coach Beiste
Music: Lady Music Week, a.k.a. music from ladies to/for ladies.
Here's what actually happened
the "A" plot: Let's make Finn being a hero again
the "B" plot: Let's give Puck a brain, and perspective!
the "C" plot: Let's get Kurt to win. Oh! Better yet, let's make him lose because a sulking Kurt is better than a winning Kurt. And let's make Brittany a 5-yr old again!
the "D" plot: Let's make Beiste get some sympathy by having her fail in love! And regret! Gotta milk on regret!
Music: we know these kids can sing and they pulled it off. but... nevermind, i'll explain below later.
Here's my longer rant (and we'll start from the least important plot)
the "D" plot
The Race for Love
Love triangle between Coach Beiste, Sue, and Cooter. Didn't add anything to the episode, didn't save it, didn't make it worse. The problem with this one is that they're basically putting the blame on Beiste for not saying how she feels when she needed to. Once again, the guy gets to make the call and moves on.
To sum up: Beiste kinda got a man, but all she knows is how to come up with a game plan, so it ended before it began
the "C" plot
The Election
In the beginning of the season, Brittany convinced Kurt to manage his class presidential campaign because he's a "unicorn"— a.k.a. someone who's not afraid to be who they are. Rainbow and stuff. Great. Awesome message albeit the strange term. Unfortunately, Kurt is still afraid sometimes, so he shot down Brittany's ideas & the very pink and glittery posters. Brittany went back thinking that she's just too stupid, but Santana, being the only one who gets this "world" Brittany's living in told her that her idea was amazing (i agree!) and she's a genius and that she is the unicorn— which led Brittany to start a campaign of her own. i can't even with the sweetness of that scene.
But, "oh, no," said the writers/producers. Brittany's all "girlpowerFTW!" in the first 3 episodes of the season, so now Kurt's insecure cause he's losing! Can't let that happen to our token gay boy. Let's dumb Brittany down, make her give Pixie Stix to the students of McKinley High so that Kurt has a reason to actually win. But let's not make him win so we can have him sulking about it too! People love Kurt. People love Kurt's tears. Kurt's tears can grow trees and flowers on a desert field.
So. The shock of the week— Rachel made sure Kurt wins the election by stuffing ballots into the box. Thus making it unclear who originally won the election. The writers were probably afraid of what lies in the future if the fandoms clash. It's a stupid move, though. Granted, it's another plot device for a future storyline (Rachel got suspended from school and therefore will be absent from performing at sectionals) but if they can push an empowerment storyline for the gay kids, why can't they push empowerment for girls— and someone, on top of that, who constantly gets mocked for not being bright enough?
What do you mean high school kids can't relate to that? What— oh. That's right, this is Glee.
To sum up: Kurt's a unicorn, Brittany's a winning bicorn, Rachel is as clueless as the day that she was born.
the "B" plot
The Baby Drama
Hm. Where can I start? Oh. Can I just say that I may be the only one who's been loving Quinn's storyline towards becoming psychopath? I'm serious. This girl is so damn interrupted and I love it. The sad thing about it is that nobody paid attention to her last year, and when the writers finally plotted a "game changing plan" at the end of season 2 for Quinn, they did a poor job on it and she was left with a... haircut. Of course.
Anyhoo, Quinn's been trying to get her baby back from Shelby and enlisted Puck for help. Right? Right. Because Puck's life mission is to not be a deadbeat dad— we all know that— and he's actually a great dad. Those scenes with him holding baby Beth? Ovaries explosion everywhere.
Puck also has a thing for Shelby. Oh who am I kidding. He said he's in love with her, and last night they slept together. Which is a world of uncomfortable issues wrapped up in one package because a) he made out w/ Rachel, a.k.a. Shelby's biological daughter, a.k.a. his daughter's stepsister— awkwaaaard, b) Shelby's his teacher, and she made out (or did more, even) with Mr. Schue, and c) doesn't this constitute for statutory rape?
Shelby, after a romp in the sack with Puck, told him to leave in the morning though. Puck's super angry with that one and told her she's a coward (him and Finn probably shared the same 'list of words i must use to bring people down'). He then proceeds to accept Quinn's offer to have sex with her only to find out that she wants to have another baby (told you she's disturbed). He was O_O at first, but then became the only one who truly, finally, sees her for what she is— what she has been since he knocked her up. Disappointed, lost, lonely.
We'll see how this plot unravel soon. Next week, maybe.
To sum up: Quinn's insane. Puck grew a brain. Shelby's tied up in a chain.
the "A" plot
You Can Only Stay So Long In Narnia
Last week's episode ended with a mashup that reigned Youtube & iTunes even before the episode aired (yes, it was that awesome) and the slap heard around the auditorium (and the world). Wonderfully acted, perfectly cut, etc. Of course people are going to tune in to what happens next, right? The writers had the perfect opportunity to produce one hell of an episode as a follow up. But no. This week's episode was all over the place.
Here are the people I blame:
1. Matthew Hodgson, just because you're a new staff writer, doesn't mean you get to write a far worse episode than what RIB had. If they give you a chance to redeem yourself for a future episode, you better write a home run.
2. Tate Donovan, what the hell dude? I want Eric Stoltz to direct everything from now on. Or that Alfonzo guy.
3. Editing guy... i don't know your name yet but i will find you. Your editing sucked. It was so choppy that you gave Santana multiple personalities in a freaking monologue.
Anyway, on with the story.
We start with Santana, Finn, Will, and Shelby in Principal Figgins' office. Figgins told her she's to be suspended because she slapped Finn unprovoked. Excuse me, unprovoked? I'd slap the crap out of him too if I was outed to the whole damn state. Then Figgins said the school doesn't allow violence— which of course refuted by Santana by mentioning the fact that he didn't do squat to all the slushie throwers. Yay for being smart, Santana.
And this is where hero!Finn came in and claimed that the slap was just pretend— a "stage slap" as Shelby calls it. He then proceeds to take advantage of this situation and 'blackmailed' Santana & the Troubletones into having a joined glee club sessions in which they tried to tackle "Lady Music Week". Why? Because Finn is brilliant and he's worried about Santana, and the only way to fix this mess is to be all stereotypical and sing songs by women.
Santana's not impressed by this and Finn got all worked up about it. He confronted her about it and she stated a very good point. He's forcing her out of her flannel closet. He, of course, went on to say that Sue's congress rival's ad is forcing her, and this is him offering her help. Oh, and also, he doesn't want her to die like a lot of gay high-schoolers.
Thank you, Finn, for reminding a girl who's going through a rough patch about the idea of suicide.
Thank you, for not having enough faith in Santana because IMO, she's the least suicidal of the bunch. How about you go and talk to Quinn, Finn? Hm?
Thank you, for telling her that she means something to you because you lost her virginity to her. Not because of any other thing that doesn't involve her in a cheap motel room. Not even because you have a gay stepbrother and you finally see things from his perspective.
And most of all, thank you, Finn, for letting her know that the reason why you're trying so hard to fix it is cause if anything happens to her, you won't be able to live with yourself. Rub salt on her wound and make the whole thing about yourself again.
Having said that, I gotta admit, watching the Glee kids supporting her kinda warmed my heart. When that rugby player (the school has football AND rugby? no wonder they're always overbudget) came up to Santana and said she's a challenge and she just needs a guy to 'straighten' her up— whoa. Shudder. That's creepy stuff. But then the girls came to her aid and they sing in the hallways. I sorta wished my high school corridors were filled with of singing students. Then again my high school kinda did have singing students all over the place.
Santana casually mentions that her parents are okay with her being gay. I think she's lying. I think they didn't care, actually, because hello? this is the set of parents who's okay with buying their daughter a boob job. At 17.
But then, there's Abuela— who I assumed, from Santana's story last week, took care of her since she was little. A caring but hard-shelled woman who raised Santana with insults— including calling her Garbage Face up until kindergarten. And Santana had to tell her G'ma about her sexuality face to face because she loves her. Cue abuelita's kitchen and a heart to heart talk. Kind of.
Let's break down this scene for a bit.
I love how grandma's kitchen itself looks warm and inviting. It's small and creme and yellow and green and pink. It's the kind of kitchen that's worn down, busy with lots of things on the counter, but lovely enough that you know a lot of loving culinary events take place. This may sound weird, but I smelled lemon and spices when I saw a full shot of the kitchen. You know it's the kitchen where her abuela probably baked her birthday cakes because Santana's mom was just too busy.
Then as we scan through the room, we see flags on the refrigerator door, and pictures. Family pictures. One has (what could be assume as) her grandma giving little Santana a piggy back ride. Another one is a shot of the full Cheerios team. Another one is of just Santana. And you know it's the kitchen that little Santana probably ran to from school for lemonade. She'd sit on that small green table and do her homework there as her abuela whipped up dinner for two. She'd tell her abuela about the mean boys at school, and her abuela would always have something to say. It's probably something along the lines of "you got to stand up for yourself." Only probably meaner.
Then we see her abuela. We see her in a muted, grey dress that's too dressy just to cook in if you asked me. We see her hair, and we know this is a woman who takes pride in who she is. You see her loafers and we know she's active. She's independent. She runs around town to do errands herself. She doesn't need help. It's every man for himself, or in this case it's every woman for herself. Something sparkled around her neck and you see that it's a golden cross. She compared Santana with Jesus on the cross on a completely unrelated topic, and you realized that this isn't going to end up well.
Santana's all dressed up even though she was just coming over to grandma's house. Once again we see how big of influence her abuela is in her life. And while she looks beautiful, she's the only thing that's black. Completely separate from her warm surroundings. If that's not foreshadowing then I don't know what is.
Just to be clear, I actually loved how the monologue was written and I thought Naya did a great job with it. Then again she always did most with whatever she's given. It's the screwed up editing that used different takes that makes it inconsistent that I'm complaining about.
I loved that instead of a short, "I'm gay," or," I'm a lesbian," Santana said, "I love girls the way I'm supposed to feel about boys."Ah, society. Thou art evil.
Long story short(ish), her abuela told her it's a disgrace that people will talk about it, and she wants Santana to leave and never see her again. That's pretty heartbreaking considering Santana just told the audience how much of an icon she sees her grandma as.
I thought the line, "I'm the same person I was a minute ago," was great. Doesn't it make you think? Isn't it sad that how other people treat you can change in a heartbeat just because of your sexual orientation? Santana's grandma said, "it's selfish of you to make me uncomfortable." What? Is that even a real reason?
I mean, it's not like you're doing anything destructive to to someone else. If you're killing people for fun, then I'd understand why people would be so determined to strip you off your rights. If you're not carrying your weight at work then yeah, I'd probably yell at you or just give you death glares from afar. But it's cause you deserve it.
But why would we hate someone because they love?
The world is weird.
To sum up: Finn's yet again a hero, Santana cries only to her pillow, because Brittana interaction's down to almost zero.
More complaining:
1. So Brittany and Santana are girlfriends. Right. But when Santana told the club that her parents are OK with her being a lesbian, you heard Brittany say, "no way!" — you would think that Santana would've told her girlfriend about it before letting the rest of the glee club know.
2. I need to see those cut scenes dammit! Right after I Kissed a Girl, Santana talked w/ teary eyes & choked up a bit. Whatever happened between the Quinntana hug and that moment? I need to see it.
3. The lost coming out to the cheerios scene. Me want to see!
4. The still unwritten support from Brittany. What the hell? It's sad that they can't even rule their own storyline. And talk about double standard. I want my kiss!
5. Puck's mohawk. It is the single most disgusting thing after Jewfro's sweaty butt print on the chair in Sue's office.
6. They need to stop mashing that many plots into 1 episode. there are only 40 minutes in a TV hour, goddammit.
7. What is up with this show that the guys always have the upper hand? I'm not even a feminist and I. am. pissed.
8. Whyyyy did nobody scold Finn for outing Santana? Not even Kurt? Crazy.
Muzak
It's a decent week of music, I'd say. Here's what they sang:
1. Kurt & Blaine — Perfect, originally by Pink — sung to Santana
2. Puck — I'm The Only One, originally by Melissa Etheridge — sung to Shelby, but I guess it's for Santana too in a sense.
3. Finn — Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, originally by Cyndi Lauper, in the style of Greg Laswell — sung to Santana
4. Santana, Rachel, the girls — I Kissed A Girl, originally by Katy Perry — sung kinda for Santana, by Santana & Rachel, for everyone else to see
5. Coach Beiste — Jolene, originally by Dolly Parton — sung to and for herself, about Cooter and Sue.
6. Santana, Shelby — Constant Craving — sung to and for themselves.
No complaints except for this:
Klaine: It's OK, Santana. You're effin' perfect.
Santana: Screw you, ponies with bowties.
Finn: Santana, I get it. You're a girl and you just wanna have fun.
Santana: Thank you from the bottom of my long lost heart.
I don't usually defend Klaine for anything, and Finn's rendition of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun was beautiful and the scene was sweet, but really? Reeeaallly? They could've at least come up with a different song for Klaine to sing so that the song order wouldn't be as absurd.
And now the good things that I didn't mention before(and there aren't a lot of those):
1. The actors are too good for this kind of writing and the mess that is Glee.
2. Brittana did have some cute moments. Just not about the coming out story. Yes I'm greedy. Whatever.
3. Breadstix does turducken and Coach Beiste really really loves chicken apparently. lmao.
4. Pezberry duet!
5. Unholy Trinity sticks together.
6. Santana out of her uniform. And her half up-do. Pretty. *strokes screen*
7. "I'm trying. But your hideous bow ties are provoking me." That was so wonderfully delivered. One moment she's breaking your heart, then she's back being a bitch.
8. Naya Rivera. Just. Naya Rivera.
end rant.